In a previous post, I mentioned that I started researching wellness a few months into the pandemic when I noticed my physical and mental health declining. A large factor in this decline was sharing walls with a guy who’d play loud music during the day and late into most nights. Because of the moratorium on evictions during this time, we had to learn to deal for over a year with little sleep and his threats after reporting him. While searching for coping mechanisms, I found a philosophy – Stoicism. At this point, I am grateful for the experience because Stoicism has made my life much better.

If I had to summarize Stoicism as one principle, it would be to work towards perfecting the things in your control and accepting the things outside of it. For example, you cannot control the things that people do, but you can control your reaction to them. I used to rage against our neighbor for disrupting me during both work time and sleep time. When I recognized that his actions had nothing to do with me, it dissipated the disrespect that I felt, greatly reducing my anger toward him. Of course, this re-framing is an ongoing practice (and luckily I got many chances to practice!). It also made me realize that I was angry because of my reaction to his actions and was only hurting myself, and I could work toward controlling my reaction using the techniques described below.

Don’t get me wrong–there are a lot of things outside of our control that we find unacceptable. Stoicism doesn’t say you should do nothing about situations that you find illogical or unjust, but you should focus on actions within your control. Thus, you should advocate for change while holding the outcome, which is outside of your control, lightly. Spending effort railing against outcomes or decisions that you disagree with is effort that you could instead spend doing good.

The last Stoic principle that I want to highlight, though there are others, is a focus on self-examination and -improvement. In particular, the four Stoic virtues are wisdom, courage, justice, and temperance. A Stoic seeks daily to improve their character and ability to uphold these virtues in their actions and thoughts. Again, developing these virtues and applying them is a lifelong practice. If you’re thinking that Stoicism sounds a lot like a religion, I completely agree in that it advocates for setting aside the ego to serve a larger purpose — human flourishing.

Technique 1: The last time meditation, Memento mori

Memento mori means, “Remember you must die.” Though it sounds morbid to some, Stoicism places a lot of emphasis on mortality. The goal is to 1) motivate you to act now because you can’t wait forever and 2) to place things in perspective. Recognizing perspective is where the last time meditation comes in, in which you ponder, “What if this were the last time this happened?” It can be used for everyday events or life-changing events, positive or negative. Pick one thing each day, like petting your dog, drinking coffee, or receiving an important announcement, and consider if it never happened again. The practice can help you be grateful for the positive things in your life and put the negative things in perspective.

Technique 2: Acceptance of challenge, Amor fati

Amor fati means, “Love of fate.” Our lives take so many unexpected turns–some of which seem dire in the moment. A Stoic welcomes these turns, especially the challenging ones, as opportunities for growth. Marcus Aurelius, Roman emperor and famous Stoic, would even go so far as to thank the gods that challenges (of a crumbling empire and ruling during decades of plagues) fell on him rather than someone who would buckle under the pressure. When bad things happen, consider how you can turn it into an opportunity for growth that makes you better equipped to deal with challenges in the future.

Technique 3: Translife meditation

The translife meditation is another technique for gaining perspective. The premise is that, no matter what bad thing is happening to you, someone else is worse off and would welcome the chance to be in your circumstances. Thus, meditating on how your life might be different if you were another person or in different circumstances is really a gratitude practice, reminding you of the things you are grateful for rather than focusing on a negative event. As a stealth gratitude practice, I feel it has the same benefits as discussed in my post on serotonin.

For more information, I recommend The Guide to the Good Life by William Irvine. Once you get past the first section on history, it provides a modern take on and practices for Stoicism. Another accessible resource is the Daily Stoic, which has a daily newsletter reminding you of stoic principles. The creator, Ryan Holiday, also has several books, such as The Obstacle is the Way and Ego is the Enemy, that provide more in-depth information and relatable stories to illustrate them.

For more blog posts about wellness, return to the wellness series page.